Reeling in the years…

As my sons have grown up (they are now 10 & 4) I have had a chance to evaluate a lot of the action figures this generation has to choose from. I can also go back to my collection (from the early-to-mid-80s) for comparison, since I have kept a small box of particular favorites. This causes me much concern when I see the crap that today’s generation has to play with, and I can only imagine it will go down hill from here.

Back in the good old days, I had Star Wars and GI Joe figures to choose from, those were pretty much the primary action figure toys (sure there were Transformers and stuff like that but those were just not really my thing). The Star Wars were your basic swivel-neck-and-rotating-arms-and-legs type. Nothing fancy at all. But they were built from sturdy plastic that had a bit of give but not too much. They were built to take some heavy abuse. Of the many dozens of Star Wars figures I had in my heyday, all survived quite nicely, with only a few snapping at the head (especially the earlier ones) and a few separated arms. But mostly the paint would fade if anything. They held up surprisingly well and were the perfect toys for active imaginations.

This picture shows my 2 favorite Star Wars figures. The one on the right is the first one I found in the schoolyard. Abandoned and beat up when I came into possession - it was my first Star Wars figure and a window into a world of excitement. The one on the left is one of the rarest and most sought after Star Wars figures ever - the Blue Snaggletooth. Only sold in a limited edition Sears playset that I happened to get for Christmas one year.

The Boba Fett figure. This one was particularly notorious because the earliest (very hard to find) version had the pushbutton missile on the backpack that actually shot out. Sadly mine is glued in place.

What is funny is that while today’s action figures are noticeably more inferior (as I will get into next), the new ones shoot all kinds of dangerous projectiles at high speed. Eyes can be put out with ease and small bits swallowed by any small child wandering around.

Most of todays action figures are exquisitely painted and detailed pieces of art that can hardly be manipulated at all.

They are basically built for one action - just standing there looking ferocious. For the kids of today who grow tired of a toy as soon as they leave the store - so they make their parents return to the store to buy more single-use figures. How boring and lame.

I mean, how much can you do with this figure? Now imagine how much an imaginative little kid can do with this immovable figure. Sad.
And most figures today are tough to get out of the package. I think they figure the collectors don’t want a figure bouncing around in a box wearing off its paint. But when you actually open up the figures (after spending 20 minutes unfastening plastic connectors, rubber bands, etc) you are left with an inferior toy. The toys are usually covered in a nasty feeling grease (to keep the sheen high I assume). I just don’t feel too safe having my kids play with these questionable greasy toys.

Here’s an example of a good movable figure that has a lot of good movement and is useful for multiple play applications.

But what is this? All of the figures today are not built strong and sturdy but with these bendable legs that make it hard for them to actually stand up on their own. WEAK. A stronger plastic construction would solve this problem. But it probably costs more money to produce.

There are exceptions. There are some REALLY good figures today like this one:

but its really for adults. haha. Its got SUPER sharp edges and the weapons and character are just very dangerous looking. Details is nice as is movement. And its built from the old school hard plastic. But its like $10+.

One thing I will give the new figures is that they are built so that they can’t be broken. Here’s an old GI Joe figure that had its inner rubber band bust.

Of course in the old days you just undid the screw on his back and replace with a rubber band to repair him yourself - saving yourself a trip to the store to buy more useless toys. Reuse. Reuse, and Recycle. Thats right, recycle. You could take apart multiple figures yourself and mix and match the parts to make your own figures.

I really wish I could find one of my sons’ recent GI Joe figures. They are so sad. The plastic is flimsy, rubbery, and just gross. Feels like its going to fall apart in your hands and not suffer any abuse at all. The weapons are discolored low-on-detail junk that makes for quick-play-and-discard sessions - and not serious playtime. Shame.

I was going to write out a big long post about this (and may continue it someday if there is some interest) but for now I will keep it short and sweet and just say that the action figures today are junk.

I work all day, and get half-drunk at night.
Waking at four to soundless dark, I stare.
In time the curtain-edges will grow light.
Till then I see what’s really always there:
Unresting death, a whole day nearer now,
Making all thought impossible but how
And where and when I shall myself die.
Arid interrogation: yet the dread
Of dying, and being dead,
Flashes afresh to hold and horrify.
The mind blanks at the glare. Not in remorse
- The good not done, the love not given, time
Torn off unused - nor wretchedly because
An only life can take so long to climb
Clear of its wrong beginnings, and may never;
But at the total emptiness for ever,
The sure extinction that we travel to
And shall be lost in always. Not to be here,
Not to be anywhere,
And soon; nothing more terrible, nothing more true.

This is a special way of being afraid
No trick dispels. Religion used to try,
That vast, moth-eaten musical brocade
Created to pretend we never die,
And specious stuff that says No rational being
Can fear a thing it will not feel, not seeing
That this is what we fear - no sight, no sound,
No touch or taste or smell, nothing to think with,
Nothing to love or link with,
The anasthetic from which none come round.

And so it stays just on the edge of vision,
A small, unfocused blur, a standing chill
That slows each impulse down to indecision.
Most things may never happen: this one will,
And realisation of it rages out
In furnace-fear when we are caught without
People or drink. Courage is no good:
It means not scaring others. Being brave
Lets no one off the grave.
Death is no different whined at than withstood.

Slowly light strengthens, and the room takes shape.
It stands plain as a wardrobe, what we know,
Have always known, know that we can’t escape,
Yet can’t accept. One side will have to go.
Meanwhile telephones crouch, getting ready to ring
In locked-up offices, and all the uncaring
Intricate rented world begins to rouse.
The sky is white as clay, with no sun.
Work has to be done.
Postmen like doctors go from house to house.

link

After having seen the movie ‘Eurotrip’ recently, I had to have the new mail notification alert that the main character had on his computer. I have included it below (watch out for eavesdropping bosses & little kids).

G.M.N.A.E.